To Be or Not To Be....Married

What is the point of getting married?  It’s just a piece of paper, right?  Why can’t we just be two people that love each other without that extra cost of actually getting married (and, you know, that extra “commitment” thing)?  We’re probably going to move on later, so let’s just keep this simple and that’s less paperwork to deal with later.  Wait, it’s not a good thing to live with one foot out the door?  Let’s talk about that.

Strength begets strength, weakness begets weakness.  We see this in every aspect of life, and in every instance, there are always exceptions.  When plants are given consistent nutrients and water, they grow big and strong and beautiful (unless they’re in my backyard – then they’re just doomed).  On the contrary, when they are neglected and given the bare minimum of care (or less), they tend to wither and die, or just look very sickly.  Now don’t get me wrong, there are always the exceptions!  The beautiful trees that grow from a rock, the flowers that break cement to grow in the middle of the road, the tomatoes that still ripen and grow on an almost entirely dead plant (personal experience!).  What else can you think of that this concept would apply to? 

I recently read State of Our Unions 2012; The National Marriage Project.  It’s very long, and very detailed, and while I wouldn’t call it an enthralling piece of literature, it presented some fascinating insights to what is happening to marriage and families in middle America.  The family unit is swiftly deteriorating right before our eyes and America is no longer interested in finding a way to save it.  President Spencer W. Kimball said, “Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” (Spencer W. Kimball, Ensign, Nov. 1980, 4.)

 Strong married couples generally do better in society and provide better for their families, thereby raising children who go into the world prepared to be successful and who have a desire to create their own strong marriages and families.  However, when children are raised in a single family, divorced, step, or cohabitated home, their chances of being happy and successful in life drop.  They are more likely to repeat the broken home syndrome as they create their own families.  Amato discusses in The Future of Children, 15(2), 75-96, the effects that divorce has on the children of these families.  They are termed “broken families” for a reason. 

Can good children come from bad circumstances?  Absolutely.  Those are the flowers in the road, the trees growing through the rocks.  But if we as humans would put more emphasis on caring for our spouses, getting married to stay married, working through the hard times, and being dedicated to each other, the children of this next generation would have a much greater improved chance of success within themselves and with their own future relationships.  We’re not on our own!  A true marriage consists of 3 people.  My favorite quote I read this week comes from a woman that Elder Dallin H. Oaks spoke of.  She said, “There were three parties to our marriage—my husband and I and the Lord. I told myself that if two of us could hang in there, we could hold it together.”  There are often times that I feel as though I am the only one holding my family together, but once I am able to connect back with the Lord, I know we can ride this moment out together and my whole family will come out better for it on the other side.  So let's make this commitment to our spouses again, to try harder, to look to the end goal, to not let the little things get in the way of what's truly important, to love each other for all eternity.  Recommit to each other.  Over and over and over again.